First came the facepalm, then the faceplant, then the loss of face Who, Me? Monday is upon us, but before you use the new week to explore opportunity and adventure, The Register presents a new installment of Who, Me? It's our weekly reader-contributed column that shares your stories of flops, failures, and foul-ups.

Like his promise to get a million robocabs on the road, this doesnt add up Elon Musk has put Tesla, SpaceX, and xAI in harness to build a chip fabrication outfit called Terafab capable of producing a terawatts worth of computing power each year, then send most of it into space.

'Doze boss admits quality is down, promises smaller memory footprint and fixes for many well-known issues Microsoft has acknowledged that it needs to improve the quality of Windows 11 and outlined its plan to get the job done.

PLUS: Singtels triple outage; 17,000 counterfeit hard drives seized; Tech wages shift across Asia; And more! Asia In Brief Australias government on Monday announced a set of datacenter expectations to guide would-be bit barn builders who contemplate breaking ground down under.

PLUS: US takes down Iranian propaganda sites; Marketing company asks 'Why Do We Have Your Information?' And more! Infosec In Brief Russian intelligence- affiliated parties are posing as customer support services on commercial messaging applications such as Signal to compromise accounts and conduct phishing attacks, the FBI and Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) warned last Friday.

The operating system of the universe isnt going to debug itself feature CERN is nothing like today's agentic AI jockeys, who mostly rely on pre-set weights and generic TPUs and GPUs to generate their slop. CERN burns custom nanosecond-speed AI into the silicon itself just to eliminate excess data.

Decades of data suggest people who stick to a couple of brews fare better in terms of gray matter A decades-long study suggests that your daily caffeine fix might be doing more than jolting you through morning meetings it could also be quietly helping your brain hold it together.

Free Software Foundation Europe says it was asked for supporters' passwords; Nexi insists it only wanted test credentials to check cancellation flows The Free Software Foundation Europe says its electronic-payments provider Nexi Group unexpectedly "cancelled" its account cutting the charity off from around 450 donors.

Rust security maintainers contend Nadim Kobeissi's vulnerability claims are too much Since February, cryptographer Nadim Kobeissi has been trying to get code fixes applied to Rust cryptography libraries to address what he says are critical bugs. For his efforts, he's been dismissed, ignored, and banned from Rust security channels.

The market is contracting Right product, wrong time? Amazon is reported to be developing a new smartphone, its first since 2014, and, according to industry tracker IDC, it will face entrenched competition with better products and a market that is expected to contract by double digits.

Just the team, not the tech Salesforce's Agentforce team is getting an infusion of new talent by hiring the team behind Clockwise, a calendar scheduling app, but the app itself isn't sticking around.

Meanwhile, WINE and OpenGL tweaks speed Windows apps on 64-bit hosts Whatever OS you run, you have a better chance to run non-native apps. Running Linux virtualized on Windows is set to speed up slightly, and so is running Windows apps on top of 64-bit Linux and macOS.

SpaceX's still-not-quite-orbital rocket tapped as lunar taxi. Musk's minicab anyone? NASA is reportedly considering using SpaceX's Starship to transport the Orion capsule to the Moon, with some sources calling it a done deal.

OneDrive, Office, Teams Free users greeted with phantom 'no internet' errors, restart may help if you're lucky Microsoft has broken account sign-ins in Windows 11 25H2 and 24H2 with a recent update, causing error messages in apps like OneDrive and Office.

Cams statistically more likely to ID Black people, says new research A UK police force has suspended its deployment of live facial recognition (LFR) technology after a study revealed it was statistically more likely to identify Black people on a watchlist database.

Millions of hijacked devices powered traffic floods targeting defense systems and beyond The US government has moved to disrupt a cluster of IoT botnets behind some of the largest DDoS attacks ever recorded, including traffic bursts topping 30 terabits per second.

Lack of clear criteria risks encouraging firms to lean on state support instead of worrying about insurance The UK's cyber watchdog has warned that the government's 1.5 billion bailout of Jaguar Land Rover (JLR) risks setting a troubling precedent for how Britain handles major cyber crises.

Indictment claims dummy servers and bogus docs used to slip past US export controls A co-founder of Supermicro is among three people charged with diverting servers fitted with Nvidia GPUs worth $2.5 billion to Chinese customers in violation of US export controls.

Government looks for sovereign tech as NHS deal nears break clause The UK government has promised a different approach to tech procurement following the award of controversial contracts to Palantir.

Audit trails aplenty, but no price tag and no clue how long your data sticks around Opinion Last week's UK government consultation on its plans for digital identity had quite a few things missing. It did not include a price estimate - something it said was due to decisions yet to be taken on the scheme's scope - or how long the government would keep "audit trail" records of ID checks.

Beats getting roasted on the mailing list AI is coming to the Linux kernel in the form of a code review system - not code submissions.

He would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for a meddling security team's fear of USB On Call Each Friday The Register offers a fresh installment of On Call, the reader-contributed column that celebrates the fine art of tech support.

Project Sunrise needs a network that doesnt exist, a rocket thats hardly flown, and FCC approval Jeff Bezos space company Blue Origin has applied to launch up to 51,600 datacenter satellites.

Enterprise tools have detected impossible logins for years. Zucks human mods couldnt join the dots Meta has revealed its tested using AI for content moderation chores and found it does better than humans.

Sees optimizing its entire cloud around homebrew silicon as the way to compete Chinese web giant Alibaba has revealed its T-Head chipmaking business has shipped 470,000 AI chips, and admitted they are currently inferior to rival products, but believes it can build a mutually optimized stack that makes performance gaps moot.

From LPUs and GPUs to CPUs and switches, everything you need to know about Nvidia's latest kit GTC DEEP DIVE At Nvidias GTC conference this week, CEO Jensen Huang finally addressed a $20 billion question hes dodged for months: Why spend so much to license AI chip startup Groqs tech and hire away its engineers rather than build it themselves?

Deal helps company build out its Codex team In a move clearly designed to strengthen its position among developers, OpenAI has acquired Python tool maker Astral. The house of Altman expects the deal to strengthen the ecosystem for its Codex programming agent.

Professional services giant did not read its own report on lackluster benefits You'll use AI and like it too - if you work for PwC. Paul Griggs, US chief executive of the global professional services giant, has made clear there is no room at the corporation for AI skeptics.

Pair say review of studies, other evidence, proves more countries need to do like Australia and keep kids offline There is enough evidence going back far enough that it's reasonable to conclude social media platforms are responsible for population-level mental health harms.

Kash Patel says the FBI uses all the tools it has to accomplish its mission - even if those tools are questionable It's been three years since an FBI director admitted to purchasing the location data of Americans, potentially in violation of the Constitution. Here we go again.

Last time: Beijing-backed snoops and ransomware crims. Who's next? Unknown baddies are abusing yet another critical Microsoft SharePoint bug to compromise victims' SharePoint servers, the US government warned.

Chocolate Factory describes concession as an attempt to balance openess with safety It turns out you won't be limited to Google-verified apps an developers on Android after all. In the face of sustained community dissatisfaction with its developer verification requirement, Google has given Android users an out.

CISPE files antitrust complaint, demands interim measures to stop what it calls chip giant's 'ongoing abuse' A lobbying trade body for smaller cloud providers is asking the European Commission to impose interim measures blocking Broadcom from terminating the VMware Cloud Service Provider program, calling the decision a death sentence for some tech suppliers and an illegal squeeze on customer choice.

Better than seismometers? Fiber-optic cables could be used to detect moonquakes, offering a simpler way to gather seismic data to support future missions.

Most Ubuntu desktop users will be looking at this until at least 2028 GNOME 50 is here, codenamed Tokyo after the location of the GNOME Asia Summit 2025 , and the biggest change is in fact more or less invisible, unless you look for an options button on the login screen.

Annual billed sub scrubbed after 14 days? Expect to pay 50% of yearly price Britains competition watchdog is opening an investigation into Adobes early cancellation fees on membership plans to ascertain if it breaks consumer law.

Iran-linked attackers wiped employees' devices using Intune The US government has urged companies to better secure Microsoft Intune, an endpoint management tool that was abused in last week's cyberattack against med-tech firm Stryker.

New toggle strips away browser chrome if you want Browser maker Vivaldi has opened up a new front in the browser wars by making itself disappear.

Creative pressure forces rethink as officials step back from default data use The UK government has backed off plans to allow AI companies to access copyrighted material for free for training purposes by default.

One search engine switch to rule them all in Google's response to UK competition watchdog The UK's competition watchdog has published responses to its consultation over Google's strategic market status (SMS) covering search and search advertising services - and the tech biz is offering some concessions.